A Discussion on Hamburgers

I've come to a realization: you often get a better hamburger at a dive bar than you do at an elegant restaurant. Sure, at the elegant restaurant is might come with a dollop of roasted red pepper-infused aioli, or what have you, but, when you want a hamburger, you're usually not in a roasted red pepper-infused aioli kind of mood. At least I'm not. When I'm in a hamburger mood, I'm in the mood for classic, greasy, meaty goodness. Hamburgers aren't fancy food, and shouldn't be treated as such.
This epiphany came about last night. I was at a law-school get together at a bar near campus. It was a dive far, hands down, complete with bizarre, worn out beyond their natural age women, and young women who were doing their best to catch up to said worn out women. Country music playing on the juke box. Indoor smoking is permitted. One of the servers had one eye that veered off randomly into corners, while the other one stayed focused. In other words, not a place I would normally frequent. But you know what? They made an awesome bacon cheeseburger.

So here's my review of hamburgers around town:
Tryon Creek Bar and Grill: That's the dive bar I was talking about above. They make a damn good bacon cheese burger--a big patty of pinkish beef, cheddar cheese, lettuce, tomato, healthy strips of bacon, onion, pickles, mayo---classic.
Verdict: One of the best hamburgers I've had in a while.

Everett Street Bistro: Could have been good, it comes with cheese, bacon, and avocado, but it was burnt. I mean charred to the point of carcinogenic. Dry. I've tried the hamburger there twice now, since it sounds good on paper, but has proved itself to be on one occasion unimpressive, and the last occasion, just plain bad.
Verdict: For now, I would avoid it.

Clyde Common: Decent, but dressed with snooty-tooty non-traditional condiments. Don't quite remember, but it might actually come with some sort of roasted red pepper aioli. And pickled onions. I don't like pickled onions, but maybe that's just me.
Verdict: Gets the job done.

Doug Fir Lounge: The first time I had a hamburger there, it was hands down, the best one EVER. Seriously. Pink, juicy, meaty, it was amazing. The next time I tried it, it was still excellent, but not the epic moment I experienced when I tasted it the first time.
Verdict: Strongly recommended.

McMenimans: They use Oregon Country beef, which gives them bonus points. Will definitely satisfy when you crave a classic hamburger, but you won't have any epic moments.
Verdict: Gets the job done, and doesn't come with stupid pickled onions.

Laurelwood: Huge, messy and delicious. I strongly recommend the barbeque bacon cheeseburger. Yes, it's a heart attack on a bun, but once or twice a year won't kill you.
Verdict: Strongly recommended.

Masu East: Fancy-schmancy Kobe beef burger was...uh...dry and boring. A big hockey puck of grey meat with few condiments. I don't even remember there being any lettuce. They should stick to sushi.
Verdict: Avoid!!!